Constructive vs Destructive Attitudes

As a leader, you will most certainly have a few encounters with people who are difficult to deal with. To cope with such people, you must first learn the difference between Constructive and Destructive attitudes.

The Constructive attitude: This person has been gifted with a strong sense of self. This does not mean they are an egomaniac, rather, it means they are very self-motivated. Typically independent, autonomous, and self-directed, they will go after what they want. They don't recognize obstacles as roadblocks but see them as more of a challenge. Their “attitude” comes from an aura of confidence, which stops short of arrogance. People usually find them fun to be around and since they appear to be successful in life and business, people want to be around them and seek them out. You can count on these folks to eagerly step into a leadership role, whether formal or informal.

The Destructive attidude: This person has a chip on their shoulder a mile wide. Their attitude comes from a lack of self-confidence. They may have grown up in an abusive situation, experienced a great deal of trauma, or been criticized throughout their life. Now, they feel they must compensate in some way to prove to the world that they are “good enough”. So you end up dealing with behaviors that include defensiveness, resistance or passive-aggressiveness.
The litmus test here is whether or not you are getting destructive results or if the person is simply quirky and annoying. Let's face it, we all have our unique personalities and we're entitled to them. I'm sure we all have our annoying moments, given the right set of circumstances. That's part of being human. However, if this person's attitude results in performance problems, hurt feelings on a regular basis, and co-workers who are increasingly unwilling to work with this person, then it's time to do something about it.

So, how does one cope with the destructive ones? Once you know what you're up against, it's much easier to know how to proceed. While you can't change someone's personality, you can approach the situation in a very clear and straightforward manner. First, you would focus on his or her performance, since improving it is the primary goal. Second, discuss the fallout of their behaviors. Call it a coaching session, or just a conversation – the term really doesn't matter. Sit them down and review the performance goals and expectations. Clearly state they are exhibiting behaviors that are impacting their ability to be successful. Be as calm and objective as possible when you deliver this news. Most likely the person will get defensive and they could get angry. That's okay. Your job is to clearly communicate so they know where they stand. Third, discuss goals. Don't give them a laundry list from here to the North Pole. Keep it short with just one or two goals for the near future. For example: you want them to improve their listening skills. That means they shouldn't turn and walk away from you when you are giving them instructions. It means that they should repeat back what they just heard you say, etc. Fourth, set a follow up meeting to revisit and review their progress. It's not fair to swoop in and coach them on their behavior without caring enough to circle back around and either compliment them on their progress or discuss how to adjust the rudder. Too many times, we let this last step go which ends up demoralizing the folks who work so hard to show us they've worked to make improvements.

You will find that these strategies help you cope with an employee with an attitude far better than going home at night and reaching for the aspirin!

Resource: http://www.laurabenjamin.com/articles/DealingWithAnEmployeeWithAnAttitude.htm